"Wasn't that a little too strong?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he exploded. "Did you see his attitude and the direction he was headed? I really helped him. I simply gave him a strong dose of reality therapy. He will eventually thank me for 'straightening' him out!"

How many times have you seen (or been part of) a confrontation that magnifies the problem and negative emotions attached to it instead of reversing them?

As a leader, you are a change agent. Leadership brings order to chaos just as God did in the opening scene in His book. You bring positive change to challenging situations.

Yet people are inherently resistant to . . . CHANGE.

What?!! People resist that very thing you are called to create? That's why so many run from their leadership calling.

The essence of leadership is relationship. Yet relationships make leadership such a messy business.

So what do you do as a leader when situations need your attention? Do you ignore issues? At times, yes, issues work themselves out. Many times, however, they need to be addressed.

Yet most of the mistakes leaders make are not in WHAT they do, but HOW they do it. Especially when addressing radioactive "people" issues.

Paul gives leaders specific instructions when confronting with others.

First, HOW you approach them. With gentleness. Treat them as if they were your most valuable possession (isn't that the way God values them?).

It is not a matter of showing them you are right and they are wrong (as Dr. Phil asks, how is that working for you?).

When true leaders show up, they increase value.

Perhaps that valuable possession is tarnished or broken. To restore is bringing back something to its original design, glory and intent. It is helping to bring that possession (especially the person you are addressing) to better demonstrate their God-given, glorious purpose.

Leaders are expert restorers.

Second, HOW you approach yourself. With soberness. You understand that you are not immune from being tarnished or broken by the very issue you are addressing in someone else.

"No way - that will NEVER happen to me!" That's a dangerous response.

You project what you most deeply feel. What feelings are you projecting towards the person you are addressing? Anger, frustration, value, love? In the Kingdom of God, motives are everything.

Arrogance is really condescending judgment.

Judgment from you will blind the precious person from seeing your good intent to restore him. In leadership (especially when addressing issues), your intentions don't matter as much as what the other person feels from you.

The conversation at the start of this article reflects a dialogue Sandy has had with me far too many times - especially as it relates to my most challenging and rewarding mission field on earth. My kids.

When I follow these 2 points, my relationships with them flourish.

As a leader, don't run from addressing issues. Yet, HOW you address them defines you as a leader. The people closest to you desperately need your restoring power in their lives.

Follow Paul's advice from Galatians 6:1 (Amp). BRETHREN, IF any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.

Being spiritual is being responsive to and controlled by the Spirit. That's leadership in action!